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its been three days since lockdown and i been going freaking insane..yeah i been outside but only to go to the store's for some stuff and then back home i went.
i stay away from other people in town the only people that i even go near is my family like my aunt rose but when she come's to visit/check on us she always wears a mask and gloves when she enter's our apt.
i just dont know anymore..things have been really hard for me..i keep talking to my bestfriend on skype just to keep myself sane ..there are times i just want to hide in my room until all this shit is over with.

things been hard on me as of late
but im learning to deal with it all
i just cant wait to get out of michigan
and start a new chapter in my life
i have nothing here anymore with
my parents both gone and my
daughter not talking to me anymore
and not being able to see my grandkids
i only know one of my grandbabies his name is
danny and he's 5 years old.
it brakes my heart knowing he'll grow up not remembering who i'am to him all i want to do is
hold that little man and tell him how much grandma
loves him along with the little baby.
and then to findout on facebook that my daughter got married on feb 14th to the love of her life so now i have a son inlaw yay me lol
im just in shock about it wish i was there for her when she got married and had her second son would of been nice to be the mom that she needs in her life.

she heads to the darkside not knowing what's going to happen her thoughts were blank she felt so cold inside.she runs her hands down her lags feeling chills down her spine she shiver's alittle wrapping her cloark around her as she feels the cool breeze upon her.
she never wanted to be alone but noone wanted to be around her they always thought she was so damn crazy cause she kept hearing loud voices in her head and seeing things that aint there all she wanted was for them to stop and let her live her life the way she want to.

I did'nt know anything about what my life would end up being like since my parents both are gone from this earth and im stuck with my mom's twin sister which dont bother me anymore i kinda got use to being with her even though sometimes i just want to run away from her and start a new life alone but then again i just dont think i can be without my aunt judy i got so use to being around her all the damn time.i try not to yell at her but sometimes i find it hard not to cause she pushes my damn on botton getting me really annoyed and sometimes i get really mad at her.
for some reason she knows how to trigger me and get me going to the point of almost blackingout i can feel myself being pulled in all i can see is blackness when i blackout and then when i come out of it i dont remember anything that went on during being blackedout i have to be told what happened at that time.

In my darkest dreams i see nothing but shadows and darkness that stays within my dreams its something i never talk about with anyone cause i know deep within my cold cold heart that i would be misunderstood by everyone so i go on with my dark life acting like im as normal as anyone in this dark world.
and when i'm awake i still see the dark shadows and i hear soft voices in my head it never ends with me so i learn to deal with it that is the reason i play games to help me forget everything that's going on in my dark mind.